This post was written by Argentium, moonlight's owner and operator.
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Leona wrote:
One of the things I am struggling with right now is the self limiting pessimism I have towards the majority of the men who proclaim themselves to be experienced Dominants/Masters.
It's a catch 22 isn't it? You're looking for someone experienced, so you need to discuss credentials, but it's a fine line between discussion of credentials and those proclamations that you've experienced that don't seem to be giving you any luck.
Do you ever feel like an employer trying to use the job interview process to weed out the bullshit from the talented?
- Leona wrote:
There seems to be a fair number of men round these here parts who cat like a mensch,
- Leona wrote:
and those who even go further to support and nurture those in their care.
- Leona wrote:
My experience is that you guys are in the minority, and I don't know the right questions to ask to find out about honesty and integrity and expertise (as opposed to bravado) in the guys who I am encountering. It makes me stop and think about my goals and my results, and how they differ.
The perfect man doesn't exist. This is something to keep in mind in your search. Even the best will make horrible mistakes. What they do about that is what will end up being important.
Find a man that tries to be caring and nururing. Find one that can be honest about the mistakes he's made in past and what he learned from those lessons. Find one that has expertise in certain areas, and a general attitude of care and caution when it comes to new areas to explore with you, but not so much caution that it prevents you from exploring. Find one willing to take responsibility for his actions, whatever the outcome (forseen or not).
Above all, find one willing to love you for _all_ of who you are, not just various facets of your personality or interests.
As to how to find this...
This may sound odd, but I have to ask: Have you listened to your instincts in your searches in past?
- Leona wrote:
Oh great, more self examination.
My buddy Teramis and I went out recently for hot water and food. She says that I am too concerned with the "how" of this process, that I should keep focussed on the "what". What I want, instead of how to get what I want given my current situation and circumstances and resources. I get rather bogged down and distracted with the how.
- Leona wrote:
Stay focused on the what, and *believe*. That's what I'm working on now. So far, I am no where near a state of Mastery in this regard.
- Leona wrote:
It amazes me how I much I seem to love to argue with enlightenment.
