- moonlight wrote:
What Tiger did to me *showed* me that he cared and valued me.
That's part of it...
- moonlight wrote:
He cared enough to wind me up, break me, and then put me back together. That last part is the key. There was no lasting damage, no matter what my mind *knew* at the time. The part that I wrote about taking five more strokes....that was the putting me back together part. He pushed me and pushed me until I was convinced that I couldn't do anything right. Just to watch the torment.
No, not just to watch the torment. That's what I explained to you at the time, because it was what you could handle in the moment. It was a constant you could grab hold of and count on, much like a drowning man will cling to a life-saver desperately in order not to drown. Now, let me elaborate on some of the additional motivations and/or goals I had:
1. To show you that you can fail miserably at something and it's not the end of the world. We have limits in our capabilities and it is no shame to find the point where we "can't". The much darker wrong is to know the right path, and to choose not to take it when deep down you know you should, and can.
2. To show you that failures can lead to successes sometimes if the problem is broken down into smaller managable segments. Also, as part of this, to show you that sometimes it's just a matter of quantity of a style of play, rather than the style of play itself that is the problem.
- moonlight wrote:
And then he showed me that I could do something right.
More importantly, that you could do the exact same thing you failed at correctly. "Oh, I really can do that..."
And most importantly, instead of telling you, I personally showed you (or more importantly, I gave you the opportunity to show yourself) that you can break the negative cycle of failure-->despair--> depression-->failure that you have a history of succumbing to. Not by rationally talking about it, but by experiencing it through a raw and powerful example.
- moonlight wrote:
'Nother mindbender for you... There's a part of me, somewhere deep inside....that is overjoyed that he did it. That thoroughly enjoyed it. That loved every minute of it...just as much as he did.
Good. }:>
- moonlight wrote:
Why? Because I am his. To do with what he pleases. And he does. And that makes me immensly happy. He can put me through hell...and arguably did, when you understand my mental processes....and that is fine.
Remember this the next time you try to make the ludicrous claim that you somehow aren't a "real player" compared to others in the scene. You're you, not them, and different things push your buttons for joy, terror, pleasure and pain.
Does that explanation help you (and others reading)?
