-
/amq wrote:
I met ml by starting to go out with her (now-ex) husband, back long before they were married. Amusingly enough, an old nickname of mine is Hawk, from which is derived the longer form that is my scene nickname. Mine is taken from "The Eagle and the Hawk", a song by John Denver.
Yes, it's true. /amq and I are really twins separated by birth (and about 15 years or so, I *think*. I'm not certain how much before me she was birthed. Heck. I'm not even all that certain how old *I* am on most days. I certainly don't *feel* as old as I am...)
(ObParenthetical: are we going to see how many parens we can nest?)
- /amq wrote:
As far as I'm concerned, someone who wants to be a lifestyle top - an owner, a master, someone who's doing this all the time and not just for fun on weekends, or when the sex is right, *has* to be that concerned with their bottom's personality. Even if you go into the Marketplace series, which from what I can tell is the ultimate in SSC-conscious fantasy regarding *really* being owned, the trainers are *completely* concerned with the person. Yes, they are *training* hte person, they are molding the person to be the best slave possible - but they are doing it in ways that *enhance* the natural personality and tendencies of the person involved.
Sometimes I think that this is what some people end up missing when they're working through making a relationship full time, RL. Making the shift from a sometimes/playpartner/LDR to full time face to face is a shock. There's so much *else* going on that doesn't involve (or is only peripherally related to) BDSM that it's not covered in the negotiations part of things.
nd they should be. 'Nother example from a relationship gone way wrong. :)
Gregory and I were long distance for probably the first 4-6 years we were together. The rules that we had worked very well for two people who were poly with 1000 miles in between and only infrequent visits and online communication.
When he moved to where I was, it was next to impossible to maintain that type of relationship full time. All our rules were about what we would do when together and in scene/play/headspace. Not sleeping together, dealing with periods, jobs, and bills.
So, being the control freak that I am, I started doing all the day to day stuff because that's the only way that it got done. And there were lots of complaints that I was not being sub enough when he was around.
Well, no. By the time that I got through with all the day to say stuff while he was online and playing with other folks, I was keeping the house, working, cooking, etc. And falling into bed in a hugely submissive headspace, let alone wanting to have sex was not possible for me.
He chose to be Master only when he wanted kinky sex...and I need to know that that control and power is there even when he's not interested in anything vagely kinked.
- moonlight wrote:
I'm sure it did. I know one of the reasons I don't play on top much is because I'm bothered by the idea of hurting someone that's new to bottoming. And, unfortunately, most of the experienced bottoms I know are already attached..
/amq wrote:
Which isn't to say that she hasn't had experienced bottoms offer to be guinea pig....
In your case, I could prolly manage to do a credible job, but there's the whole issue of us both being fems and me not really doing outright sexual stuff. Course, if Cayne was around, that's easily fixed. :)
In Cayne's case, when the opportunity was presented, I hadn't figured out yet that I *had* a dom bone and I was left baffled what do do after making him drop. :) I think that part *may* have been resolved. Remains to be seen and is theoretical at this point. :)
I know of one other person that I would consider experienced enough to deal with my screw-ups, but I'm not sure he's actually available or interested. So. :) Eventually I'll get over the idea of irreparably damaging someone if I look at them cross-eyed. It's a gradual thing with me.
- /amq wrote:
Yes, but what if what they want is to be overcome, to be taken and put in their proper place - at your feet, at your whim, gleefully and joyfully under your control? To *feel* the power you have on their psyche, to revel in the wash of it before yielding to it?
I don't mind that, in the least. I need to *know* that's what they like or want, though. Communication here, is the key. That or *really* knowing the person in question.
For example. :)
Say we're talking about you. I could lay even money that if you weren't specifically involved in a scene and weren't in a very dom headspace, that I could walk up and drop you and force the issue without your raising a stink. You would be able, if it was not somewhere you wanted to go at that time, be able to distinguish between "No. Don't. Stop." and "I really don't want to do this right now."
That takes a skill in communication that some folks that are new haven't developed. In your case, I have the benefit of long exposure to your play style, as well as hearing about some of your "pros" and "cons" from several people that we've both been involved with. :) That gives me a leg up in knowing how you do what you do without having direct experience from playing with you.
Cayne, as another example, I could be *fairly* certain about, but there's a bigger margin of error, and I would likely not play in that way with him without you or someone that he's played with before around as a safety net. Call it paranoia. :)
Someone that's new...let's call them X. I would be leery of playing in this specific manner with X until I'd seen them play with others, played with them a bit myself, or had a *damned* good spotter that I trust to step in if they think I'm missing a signal that they're picking up on.
- /amq wrote:
I've met more than a few tops who are threatened by someone who not only wants that, but can articulate it that thoroughly - whether or not the tops actually *enjoy* that sort of take-down.
Just something to consider.
I agree. I'm just hesitant to assume that that's what is going on in the particular case I'm thinking of. Several people have gotten mixed messages off of him.
Me, I like a good fight. :) Though, so far, I've always been on the "losing" end. *giggle*
- /amq wrote:
There's nothing to reconcile here. The Master I had who taught me the most about doing it right was the most nurturing man I know. The wierdest thing I ever had to do was to submit to him bathing me. Tops just don't DO that! Thtey don't serve that way! BUT! he wasn't serving - he was taking care of his property they way *he* wanted to, and my task, as slave, was to submit to him and his desires. Period, full stop, end of sentence.
Thank *GOD* I'm not the only one who had that reaction. The first time Tiger washed my hair (not offered, just did and told me to be quite when I objected) I had one of those brain lock moments of "but....you're the dom...."
I still look at him oddly from time to time when he does it, but I've gotten used to the reality of it. I think. :)
- /amq wrote:
It was a very profound lesson. I taught him how to swing a flogger. I taught him how to *really* take control. But he did all sorts of new things with it, that taught me a *whole* lot about mastery.
*nods* Been there....wholeheartedly agree. There's more things under the sun...
- /amq wrote:
did I hear my name? Yeah, that's Cayne. Not sure what you're asking here - he does what works with whoever. i know he had fun. But then, he's easy. :)
You two do more of the switching back and forth or vying to see who's on top than I do. I thought maybe you'd have some comments on how you do it. I'm not all that sure I'm able to verbalize it. :) I usually don't switch with one person.
- /amq wrote:
Hell, I've run a scene where my requirement to the new person was that, every time I touched them, they had to tell me how it made htem feel. Good, bad, any connotations, sexual feelings, distractions. Drove them crazy, taught us both a lot.
Ooooh. I like that. I'll have to remember it. *starts scribbling*
- /amq wrote:
Hmmm. I do hope it's obvious by now htat I'm an exhibitionist? :)
Never would have noticed if you hadn't said something.
*manages to keep a straight face*
- /amq wrote:
And hten home, to upload this and send it out and TAKE OVER THE ALTS LIST WITH LOTS OF MESSAGES, MOOAHAHAHAHAHH!
Quick!
Run for the hills!
