- HSH wrote:
In fact, that's what 'social facts' are. They are things we don't even realize we believe. They're the air we breathe- so whaen someone says, "I don't like this air" we either say, "wat air?" or "Everyone else is breathing fine- what's wrong with you?"
Yep. And it's an uphill battle the whole way to make people see it and even harder to make them understand it. We took the bulk of one class working up to it. We had to start with Descartes and work our way up to our present culture, because that's where the foundations lie. They're that far back.
- HSH wrote:
Living that way is not fun. I don't hate my life or myself, but I do wonder what it must be like to feel female all the time. I also wonder what it would be like to fall within the range of acceptable female.
I probably fall closer to it than you. And I certainly have my share of issues. Due to things not under my control, I have a fairly high level of testosterone in my system for a woman. I'm taller than most, I present myself in a somewhat masculine manner...and I've *definately* been accused of having male thought patterns and behaviors.
Particularly on the internet. People refuse to believe that I have tits because I don't "speak" like a woman. I'm open about my sexuality and quite frank verbally. :) Course, that's something that my partners like, so it's reinforced.
I can "fake" being a woman well enough to pass when I choose to, but it *is* some degree of effort to do so. Some of my friends are currently amused because I seem to be going through what I call a "frou-frou girly" phase. I've been buying much more feminine clothes than normal to wear out to events and actually wearing makeup from time to time. For me, it's fun to do. For now. When I accepted the pressure to conform, it wasn't fun. I learned how, back then, and I make use of it now.
- HSH wrote:
That's all you can do. But there are times when it hurts to be aware of how much outside the range you are- like a poor kid looking in a toystore window at holiday time. Even if you know the toys would bore you, they look so shiny, and everyone seems to want them. How nice it would be to have them! Even if you threw them away!
Sure. And those are the days that I get angry and unhappy and rage at everything in site at how unfair it is. Sometimes a person needs to do that to get the anger and bitterness and harmful stuff out of their system so they *can* go on. I don't find a thing wrong with it, now that I've learned it's ok to be angry.
- HSH wrote:
I would not trade being myself for anything- but to wear a party dress and to not have to think about where to put my hands, what kind of drink to have, how to hold my legs, how to not talk too much, when to laugh, what subjects I can bring up... And not have anyone notice how much work I didn't have to do. That would be very nice indeed. Right now, I follow the Fred Astaire School of gender. I make being female look effortless. but for me it's a struggle almost every time I have to do it. I know it's nothing more than a construct, and I feel compelled to do it to get the things I want, even though most of them bore me.
I have days where it's the same. Fortunately, my friends and I have made it into a sort of a game. One of them is my "fashion police". I can count on her to tell me if I've *majorly* screwed up in presentation. Because I can look at it as a game, as a type of power and control to gain over other people, I've managed to get around some of the negativity, I think.
I can view it now as something along the lines of "well, see? I can play the game. I can pass and be just as good as you....but you don't have the options I do to *stop* doing it." Sometimes that's petty...sometimes it helps. But, the fact is, I *do* have the choice. I can present as a "woman" even though I have to work harder at it than some. I can also present as femme, and butch, and a variety of other things. I doubt I'd ever pass as male, but you never know. I've never tried. If I could figure out a way to strap down my breasts so they weren't so obvious it might be possible.
