Pain and Tears II   (11/30/98)
   
 
    Moonlight wrote:
    Somewhere in there I started to cry, something that I hadn't expected. It just hurt. He would stop every once in a while to check how I was....to stroke my back...and to bring me a kleenex to wipe away the tears before he would start all over.

    SockerMom wrote:
    The two most intense flogging scenes I've done had very similar effects on me. Not surprisingly, both were fairly early on in my flogging life.
*chuckles* Amazing how that happens. While this wasn't the first, it was the first in a very long while. And I suppose I was revisiting being a flogger virgin. :)
    SockerMom wrote:
    But, hey, think about it--we're doing things that any sane person would be scared of; and we're doing them, in many cases, just *because* we're scared of them. Then you add a dash of pleasure, a dollop of subspace, a good healthy dose of love and caring, and you have one powerful recipe for bringing out tears.
Oh, definately. I've cried before, and I'm sure that I will again. The difference *this* time was that I could *not* stop it, and I knew it. The other times that I've played, I had a safeword that I could opt out with. Tiger made the point very clearly the night before that I would not be opting out of anything this particular weekend. :)

Hearing "Not this time" to your begging and pleading to stop is....erm....moving, to say the least.
    SockerMom wrote:
    Also, a friend and I have this theory--we think that we are most vulnerable in those places that are most removed from the world. *Nobody* ever touches my upper back. But flog me there, and I can almost promise I'll shed tears. Hit the back of my legs, and I make *very* different noises.
Oddly enough, I seem to be the exact opposite. I bliss out when my back or shoulders are hit. Striking the legs and butt will make me scream and holler and yell and snarl loudly. And, incidentally, quite possibly make me turn around and try to disembowel the person doing it.

Fortunately for Tiger, he can deal with *that* reaction. :) Which didn't happen this time, but may be very likely to in the future.
    Moonlight wrote:
    We got interrupted in the middle of this and I ended up getting up and going into the restroom and catching my breath. Which was a mistake, I think, because I just fell apart. I started crying and couldn't stop.

    SockerMom wrote:
    You were lucky you had a top around who knew you and could handle this.
Well, seeing as I generally don't play with someone on a whim (no judgment value on occasional players herein :), it's more likely (sort of) that I will be with someone that is like that. I select for it. :)

And I have to admit, the interruption was *my* fault. Of a sort. He had me thrashing so hard that I knocked over a glass of hard cider.

Right into his laptop.

WHOOPS.

Enter the cycle of "You can't do anything right" with an abrupt downhill plunge. *cringe*

It was, essentially, the straw that broke the camel's back and I just lost any and all track of where I was. Tiger says he saw the spiral and came and got me. I believe the comment was "I will not let you fall into despair." Or some such. Tiger can comment if that wasn't quite right. :)

The upheaval really had nothing to do with him, and everything to do with the stress of a divorce, job uncertainty, new relationship insecurities, and a possible move all happening at once. It was enough to get me tottering right on that edge.

It's well known that I'm a clutz, and when I am, I do it in grand measure. Tiger has now learned to remove all liquids from around the play area :)
    SockerMom wrote:
    Don't worry too much about it--I imagine it happens to lots of us. Lots of tops, too. Maybe you would want to make a note, in the back of your mind, that taking scene-breaks when you feel "heavy" for lack of a better word is not a great idea. Knowing your own tendencies makes it easier to communicate fully.
It certainly does. Which is why, in general, I will post the boo-boos as well as the high points on occasion. :) Cause there *are* people out there that don't know it's ok to screw up. :) Just recover from it.

For me, I didn't feel "heavy" at least as I think you mean. I was flying pretty damned high. It was just that sudden crash down to reality that *really* slammed me into the bad space.