Personal ads. Two words powerful enough to strike terror into the heart of anyone. But, this is the 21st century, right? Update, innovate, create new ways of meeting people...new ways to put yourself out there in front of millions of possible partners and increase your opportunity to find Mr. Right.
I wonder, deep down inside, just how often these things really work. Well, I've had reason to try my luck at them recently. It's been a mixed bag, let me tell you. Some are easy to filter out right away. Anyone who's "attached" looking for a "discrete encounter" gets canned without replies. Sorry. I may be poly, but that doesn't mean I condone cheating. Next, anyone that can't seem to string two words together. Mean of me, I know. I expect to be able to hold a conversation with my partner from time to time. There's more to a relationship than the horizontal tango. Which brings us to...."relationship". "Good times," "fun nights," and "no commitment" need not apply.
Still, in and amongst all the trolls that apparently can't read, you *can* find people of interest who might actually match what you're looking for. If you're willing to kiss enough frogs.
So. After a couple months on the more well known personal boards, I stumble across one I hadn't heard of before thanks to a friend. In and amongst the rush of people who can't spell, use U and R as words, and who apparently think that a good opening line to a stranger is along the lines of "nice shoes. Wanna fuck?", there comes a few more interesting forays into conversation. And one in particular. At 6', it's not often I get called "shorty". It made me laugh...which is definitely a good thing.
But here is where the fun starts. The next level of filtering. I will admit that I've lead a *very* unusual life by normal standards. For some value of normal, anyway. I have some unusual beliefs and ideas and that sometimes bothers men who are looking for a partner. Now that I have this site, it's pretty easy to point someone to the pages I've written and say "that's who I am." While it's not *everything*, it's at least a good part of me. You'd be surprised at how many people end up backing away slowly with a look on their face like I could turn on them any minute.
Or who say "that stuff doesn't matter because I'll turn you into what I want you to be." Ummm...oooookay...what about my interests and likes?
So say someone gets past all that and still hasn't run screaming from the room. It gets hard from this point out. I've been lucky in the past that the vast majority of partners that I've had were friends of mine long before they were lovers. It made the getting to know you phase almost non-existant. Any bumps along the road were smoothed over by a history together. You know their reactions and can interpret their words and body language much easier than someone you don't know.
For all that I've put parts of my life on display for years online, I'm a fairly private person. It's not easy for me to open up all the time, particularly when my emotional security is on the line. It's easier to play cool, calm, and collected when what I'd really like to do is run around in circles screaming because my heart is pounding fast enough that I can hardly hear anything else. Simple questions and comments have to be examined before they're said to make sure that they're not pushing for too much, too fast.
Now, I'm one of those peoples that loves getting an adrenaline rush. On more than one occasion I've sought them out. I love edgeplay for this reason. I love roller coasters that make me think my teeth are going to be rattled out of my head. So why is it that something as simple as talking to another human being can leave me in a state of being near paralyzed or completely tongue tied?
Because I'm basically a shy person at the core. Over the years, I've learned to put on masks that portray me as being together. They help me function in a world that sometimes can be overwhelming. The person you're talking to on the technical support line isn't really as knowledgeable as you thinkg...she simply makes her voice sound that way while her mind races to put three and eighteen together and come up with a solution for your problem. A problem that she may very well have never run into before speaking to you.
And the person who's doing a presentation on Wicca and Paganism for your class or a seminar on edgeplay at your Fetish Ball really isn't as calm as she looks. Inside, her hands are shaking like a leaf, she can't hardly hang onto her notes, and if she even thought about putting a blade to someone's skin, it might just cut to deep. But that's not what you see. What you see is someone who periodically has to take a drink of water so she covers up trying to catch her breathe from not breathing while talking, and who can hold the razor sharp end of a knife against her own skin and only barely break the skin when necessary.
Online communication has some wonderful advantages. You can sit behind your screen and present a cool rational picture to whomever you're talking to while you sit in your chair with a case of the shakes. You can appear as if you're not hanging on every word the other person is saying and turning it over in your head. They can't see the cheering section that your friends have set up to keep you from running away to stop the adrenaline from making you crazy.
It has it's drawbacks, too. They can't see those reactions. They can't see your body language or the fact that you may be teasing or joking. They can only see flat words on a screen.
And that is the heaven and hell of online personals. You can be who you are and yet the other person may not be able to tell what that is.
