I very rarely core dump here. In fact, I think I may have only done it here. But there comes a time when, after reading post after post, that the buildup of garbage goes over the point that you consensually allow it and it has to go somewhere. So. Here we are. In the past few weeks, if not months, I have seen things here that have turned my stomach, made me laugh, made me cry, and made me want to, as one friend put it, toast some 'nads.
Being a bottom or a sub here is not easy. In the last few months, I have been called a dishrag because I go to a man that I love dearly and ask him to help me with my life. To help me set up a system wherein I can *make* myself go to class and do my homework before the last minute. I asked him to help me set up a system wherein I stick to an exercise program to better myself. And for this.... because I do not have the self-will to do it myself, I am a dishrag. Well, fine. Then so be it. But I'm a happier dishrag than I ever was when I was trying to do it myself. A top/bottom relationship also exists for the purpose of the support of the members of the relationship. To do and learn new ways of doing things.
In the last few weeks, I have come to the realization that I am pathological. Because my giving my consent to my Master can't ever really be *true* consent. I was brought up to think that I must turn over my power to someone else. And in following that I prove to all and sundry that I am sick and can't understand *why* I am the way I am. *smiles softly* Well, then I am. And I'm far happier being pathological with the man that I love than I ever was before I turned over my complete consent to him. He may use me as he wills because *THAT* is what *I* desire. Not what he wants from me. But what *I* as a human being have the Goddess given right to do.
I am tired of being every man's toy. Because I am on a group that fosters the open conversation of sex and sexual topics does not mean that I am going to e-fuck every living horny man that wants me to from here to China. Similarly, simply because I am a slave to one person, does not mean that I am free for every man or woman that wants to top me. I belong to one man. For now.........later that may be different. Or not. Because I am a slave does not negate my rights as a human being. It does not mean that I am solely an extension of my Master's whim. It does not mean that I am to only speak when I have permission. It does not mean that I have to take abuse from any and all comers. And it most *certainly* does not mean that I am a doormat with nary a thought in my head that my Master did not place there.
I wear a collar with pride and dignity and refuse to turn that over to any but the man that *I* freely choose. So those of you that want to label me and mine as whatever you choose, feel free to. That is your right as a free-willed human being. Just as it's my right to refuse to accept your labels as small-minded, compartmentalizing, overly anal drivel. I refuse to be pushed into your categories and meekly exist there to be scorned and derided.
Now I will put a disclaimer here.... this truly is not directed at any one person. It's just been building up for a while and had to go somewhere. If any of you decide to take it personally, that's your right. Take it up with me in e-mail and we can try to straighten it out. But it really is a lump of a lot of things that I've seen happening over the last several months.
Bright Blessings from the Goddess to you all...
