Searching...always searching and never satisfied. Growing up with the belief that there is that one special someone out there for you...only to find out that there are only pieces of that special someone...spread between different people.
Whatever happened to the white picket fence? The 2.5 kids and the dog? Whatever happened to playing along and not making waves? Settling for someone that was relatively close to what you were looking for?
Then it happens...your swept off your feet...by someone that breaks the rules...that wants a relationship that isn't what you grew up with. You run so fast to try to keep up. And eventually find a resting spot to breath...to evaluate where you are and what has happened.
And you're happy. It's not what you thought when you were young and naive. But it's good.
And still you're searching. Why? Why is it never enough? Why does there always seem to be a piece missing. What is it about you that wants more...always more...never happy, never satisfied, never content.
More rules to be broken. You never fit in to the labels that everyone else wears. You try them for a time, but they aren't right. You're never what you think you are. The ground is always shifting under your feet. Somehow you stay standing, grasping to others on solid ground.
And then.
Then, something catches your eye. Off in the distance. That restless feeling starts to come back...searching, looking, reaching. Distance is tricky. What appears so far away is suddenly in front of you. Then it's far away again. Closer. Farther. Closer. Farther.
And, in looking, you lose your hold on what is. Swirling around in a tornado. A hurricane. You can see, but you can't quite reach anything. Pain...rage...anger...hurt... They all dance around, taunting and yelling. Telling you lies and untruths until you wonder if maybe they're right.
You are never satisfied. You are not good enough. Go away. Run away. You have no belief in yourself. You're a figment. A poser. A fake. A fraud. Selfish. Controlling. Arrogant. Uncaring.
And when the tornado stops, you're left on the ground. Disheveled. Tattered. Torn.
Searching for what is truth.
Always searching.
