- moonlight wrote:
And I kept seeing the skin on nanon's back peeling away from the blade of my knife a bit as I cut through it. Before I go on, let me assure everyone that nanon was blissful (from what I could tell) during and after. And, that I'm aware of, Ultra's happy with the cutting as well. I've been told it's healing fine. So. No problems on *their* end.
While I wish I had words of wisdom to help Moonlight feel better about herself, I know that she is the one who has to face herself.
Being on the receiving end of said knife, however, I can give some input. The first three cuts were quite light in the way they felt. I flinched everywhere on the inside without moving a muscle lower than my chin. It hurt, I will not deny that, yet, as soon as the endorphins hit and were reinforced with the cleaning of the wounds I was in a wonderful headspace. I hadn't reached subspace, but I was just very very very happy.
I floated in that happiness for the rest of the seminar, I knew when Ultra and Kyl had entered so I was half, no, more than half hoping that the deeper cutting would be happening soon. I do remember thinking that she had only left a small triangle on the left side of my back and that the one she would put on later on the right side would be deeper. As it was, the triangle was in the middle of my back. It's strange how the mind and body can sometimes be not so connected. *shrug*
There was a small fear in me about the pain that would come. I knew that the deeper cutting was going to sting more, yet...I desired it because I wanted to feel the sting. I also desired it because I hoped it would please Mistress to see me taking this for her, as her property.
The chair faced the room and I sat backwards on it, leaning forward on the back of the chair. My hair was already up and out of the way so I grew extremely still as I felt my back being cleaned and prepared. I felt tense and my jaws were clenched, I told myself to relax and to breathe, which I did. I held as still as I could when asked if I was ready, I nodded and said yes.
I felt it go in and carefully slice through layers. I heard Mistress behind me make a pleased sound. I don't remember if it was a "COOL!" or what it was. I know that I let out a small little scream/squeal. I felt the pain, squealed, and heard Mistress almost all at the same time. All of it together was enough to send me into a headspace again. I was aware that things were going on behind me and on my back. Then, at some point Mistress picked up her sword and pulled it out of its sheath.
I held as still as I could again as she marked me in several places on arms and legs. I never really left the room, but I doubt I could have driven well enough for a little while.
Over the last few days the bandage has been changed, the mark cleaned and is now healing quite nicely. I know it's healing because it's itching something awful! However, When I get the chance, I like to twist around and see as much of it as I can because I get a little thrill of remembrance.
Mistress, thank you again for allowing me to help Moonlight in her demonstration.
Moonlight, I hope that you do come to peace with yourself. Thank you for giving me such a wonderful experience. If this helps any: If I didn't trust you, I would have made no sounds and wouldn't have entered the headspace that I did. You sent me to a lovely place in my head and I knew that you, and later Mistress, were taking care of me so that I could go there. Thank you both for .... I don't know how to put this...for being so trustworthy?
Thank you for opening me up...in more ways than one.
Nanon
